I was at college, living in dorms, and the experience—aside from the usual horrifying awkwardness and somewhat spontaneity of the occasion—was completely and utterly unremarkable aside from one thing: And maybe, like the song says, that does sanctify our sex lives and makes us just a little bit holy. I realize I fell into that old gay adage of placing my feelings on a person who, for whatever reason, was never going to invest them back in me. Bursting through that shame is our badge of honor, our beautifully united experience. As the only out young gay kid at my school, I took the advancement of my sexual experiences into my own hands and I did what we all do: It was late or early, depending on your outlook on the world when I was joined by the boy who was living in the room next to mine, way back on the other side of the building. Worst of all, though, the shame attached to the memories of those first times marred how I would approach sex for years. Still, as I grew into my late-teens, venues started to crack down harder on underage drinking, and it soon became increasingly difficult to go and hook up with guys much older than myself. I bought a fake ID and hit the gay clubs. My first year at college, apart from being grueling mentally, was hardly a sexual smorgasbord of one-night-stands and hook-ups.
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And while at the beginning I felt like I had the upper hand in the situation—I was the one who was out and comfortable in my sexuality, right? And maybe, like the song says, that does sanctify our sex lives and makes us just a little bit holy.
I realize I fell into that old gay adage of placing my feelings on a person who, for whatever reason, was never going to invest them back in me. Worst of all, though, the shame attached to the memories of those first times marred how I would approach sex for years.